you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
