Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
