ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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