Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We left the knife in your bed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
