Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
NoShamevember. You game?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
