My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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