if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
