the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My bed smells like the plague
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
