I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
