Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it because I queefed?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
