i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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