You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
