Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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