Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
