If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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