Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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