why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
