so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
