he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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