9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
