I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
