I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
