:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
