i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no, he came in my armpit
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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