smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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