And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
