Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
