Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
