Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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