Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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