I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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