I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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