is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
