why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
