can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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