don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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