Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
