Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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