never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
