Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
