I look better un-naked...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
