I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
