new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
