remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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