1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
