Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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