if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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