Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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