i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
