piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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