I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
