If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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