Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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