I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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