I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
