im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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